I feel the need to write this morning, an actual post, not just a haiku. I haven’t written an actual post on this site in a long time. I save it for journals, or a book I’ve convinced myself I’d write this month, or maybe an email to a friend. Today, I feel uneasy. I can’t explain it. Ok, maybe I can. Whenever there is a fly in the room with my dog she starts to shake. She can’t control the shaking and it then throws me off. She did it last night at 10pm while I was watching television trying to fall asleep, I had to throw her off the bed and have her sleep on the floor. I hate it when the dog sleeps on the floor because, during the multiple bathroom trips I take in the evening, I’m afraid she is going to sneak out of my room and torture my housemate. My housemate is fine with it. I am not. So, I just end up sleeping with the door to my bedroom open and that frightens me.
I’m a 40 year old man who is still afraid of the boogie monster. Well, that’s a revelation. I’ve always had a fear of being attacked, it’s irrational, I know. Or is it? I have a twin brother and when we were in the womb he ate most of the food, so am I responding to that? Of course he was the one that slept with the baseball bat under the bed when we were kids in case anyone tried to attack me, so I give him credit for that. Do we really hold on to these things throughout our lives? Is this my own form of PTSD? Is anyone else 40 and afraid of the boogie monster? Please tell me I’m not alone.
It’s raining, I’m tired, the dog is fine and the damn fly is probably hiding for it’s next attack, tonight. The boogie monster didn’t get me last night but there is always tonight.